This week’s “weekly words”, are from a monologue in Desperate housewives (season 7, episode 23);
when friends live apart, they sometimes grow apart too.
I nodded my head, as I heard Susan say this. It’s true, people can grow in different directions when being apart. There’s a reason for the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind’, and it’s easy getting out of touch when our everyday lives aren’t intertwined. When we just talk to friends once in a while, there’s only time for the big, open questions, like “how are you?”, “done anything fun lately?” and “what are you doing this summer?”
There’s nothing wrong with these topics, but with little time on our hands, we don’t really get the time to connect with each other. It could even be awkward talking to one another, in the beginning, being all polite and feeling too insecure to even joke. And you have to read the other person, like a book you only have the time to read a few chapters out of, having to guess how the story goes.
With a geographical distance between us, we have to plan more, in order to stay in touch. We don’t just run into one another in a store, we have to sit down with our phones or computers, trying to connect. Unless using a web camera, it’s difficult to understand if the other person is using irony, is smiling or acts surprised, since we only have our hearing to depend on. When meeting someone face-to-face, our other senses can help us, as well.
When being apart, we’re not in the same social circle, so there’s less in common. There are lots of other things that can make a friendship harder to keep, as well, but one can also turn the tables, and see the distance and differences as an advantage.
If we don’t experience the same things in our lives, there’s more to talk about and we can learn more from one another. When we rarely see each other, we get to long, like we can’t wait to meet, share a hug, -smile and -conversation, and we’ll make the most of every minute spent together. The cherry on top of the cake, is that we have a valid reason for going on holidays to visit our friends.
A friend and I grew apart, some years ago. We were both inexperienced with being friends at a distance, and we didn’t put in enough effort to make up for all the miles that separated us. From seeing each other everyday in school, we only had a few hours together, during the holidays, and that wasn’t enough for us. Time went by, and we had lost our connection, so we went in different directions. It was sad, losing a friend like that.
Luckily, as time (and growing up) would have it, we grew closer again, despite the geographical distance being the same. Somehow, we found a way back to our great friendship, that even evolved into a fantastic one! Now, we talk on a more regular basis than I do with those living in the same town as me.
I know the color of her nail polish, -what she bought in IKEA last week, that she skips her breakfast, which TV-series she’s up to date with and which musical she recently saw, etc. When we talk, we simply pick up where we left off, without there being many weird moments. My life would simply be poorer without her! <3
If you have a friend that always laughs at your jokes, happily listens to you, when you’ve got lots on your mind, sends you cute emails, out of the blue, always sees- and brings out the best in you and generally cheers for you, then don’t let them out of your life! Make the time that you both need, to keep a mutually giving friendship.
Even though people can grow apart, they can grow closer again, as well. But everything needs a good dose of TLC (in the meaning of ‘tender love care’, and also my own version of the abbreviation; talk, listen, care), in order to grow.